Where to stay in
Vegas - page 2
HARD ROCK---(last stayed 11/99)
from $89/night
The mating rituals of most species are awkward things and
rather unpleasant to witness, and the goings-on amongst the
twenty-somethings at the Hard Rock is no exception. Still, it
is sort of amusing to watch both genders laugh a little too
loud, stand a little too close, show a little too much skin,
and drink to the point of incoherent, volcanic nausea (no doubt
to impress the opposite gender). If you listen closely you can
hear their mating call: "I am sooo drunk!".
A common complaint is that it's too loud. Nonsense. If it's
too loud, your hearing aid needs to be turned down. Until about
8pm, it's actually one of the quieter casinos, and we're usually
wishing they'd turn the (mostly classic rock) music up a little.
However, if you happen to be walking by the Joynt as its door
opens and a concert is in progress, the force of the compressed
sound waves may knock you halfway to Mr. Lucky's.
Contrary to what you might expect, given their outlandish purple
buses and party-dude theme, the casino's look is actually one
of the most tasteful and subdued in town. Hardwood and subdued
backlighting rules, and blinking lights are kept to a minimum.
It's small and circular, and easy to find your way around. If
you like memorabilia, you can hardly turn around without finding
some deceased rocker's guitar or jacket in your face. Kids are
virtually nonexistent, except for the ones with fake I.D.s.
Glass, marble, and class predominate in their new rooms. French
doors face their newly remodeled, free-form pool (DEFINITELY
get the pool view, which is also the stirp view), which features
a sandy-beach "island", a slide, and more taut, tanned, bouncing
flesh than you can shake your stick at. If you can pull your
eyes off the clientele long enough, you'll note that this may
be the premier pool complex in the land.
The location isn't the best (it's about a mile east of the south/middle
strip), but parking is convenient, and their large-but-often-tardy
fleet of shuttle buses will take you just about anywhere.
RIO---(last stayed 6/97)
from $69/night
Reigning champion and still the best. Its only weakness is
its location, but why leave? LOVE the buffets, restaurants, rooms,
views, casino, pools, shows. The Rio induces a feeling of festival.
Update (8/98): Too crowded. Buffet and hotel have gotten
so popular that the lines are impossible and the help surly.
Update (7/99) WAY too crowded. It's gotten too trendy.
Will return if and when the mobs go away.
FITZGERALDS---(last stayed 9/99) from $39/night
It's a Holiday Inn, so you know where you stand, here: rooms
are OK but nothing special. However, most Holiday Inns can boast
a pool, but not this one (guests used to have access to Binion's
pool, but no more). The rooms struggle in vain with the orange
and green color scheme, but the views from the floor-to-ceiling
windows are excellent, but, unfortunately, face east or west,
hence, no view of the strip. With 34 stories to contend with,
elevator service can get slow at check-out. While there are
no show, attractions, or rides, using the parking garage simulates
some thrill rides, as the extremely thin and tall dimensions
(valet parking only until you reach lucky floor #7!) make for
a dizzying and dangerous experience. Check-in is quick and easy,
with rarely a wait. However, the noise level on all slot machines,
for reasons unclear to me, are set to "stun". Apparently management
believes that a noisy casino is a happy casino. I always carry
a pair of earplugs just for such occasions, and Fitz's is the
only casino where I put them in and never take them out. Plus,
on my last two visits, bums have sidled up to me while I was
playing the loose deuces machine (obviously they know full-pay
when the see it!) and tried to weasel some McDonald's out of
me. Moreover, very few of the machines have bill-readers, which
tends to lead to the lead to grandmas crawling under your chair
in search of either elusive coins or thrills from days gone
by. Accompanying the lack of bill-readers are the inevitable
legions of the soul-less walking-dead, by which I mean, of course,
the change girls. Riverdancers are nowhere to be seen.
EXCALIBUR---(last stayed 11/95)
from $49/night
Great location, reasonably priced, and the kids love it.
HARRAHS---(last stayed 5/98)
from $59/night
The entire hotel: pool, room, buffet, is consistently slightly
above average for Las Vegas. The rooms are smallish, but then,
I never understood the point of big rooms anyway. (I mean, how
much luggage can you bring? A suite is nice for families, because
of the extra privacy and additional TV; but a big room? Just
a longer walk to the bathroom.) The buffet features good seafood,
but is slightly pricey. Terrific location.
EL CORTEZ ---(last stayed 12/97)
$28/night (weekends, too!)
Didn't take my family there and probably wouldn't...but
you can't beat $28/night on weekends. The rooms are new or recently
refurbished, and are actually pretty nice. The food is cheap
and not bad at all. The casino is a dump but has good video
poker. The only real problem is the neighborhood (it's about
a 10-minutes walk east of the Fremont Street Experience), panhandlers
and homeless sometimes loiter outside the casino, but, frankly,
are less threatening than the sorts we encounter downtown at
home.
GOLD STRIKE/NEVADA LANDING---(last stayed 9/99)
from $19/night
Motel Six, at best, but clean, relatively new, and functional
with little or no lines at check-in. The two have identical
floor plans, but choose the Gold Strike's south tower, as its
rooms are about 50% larger. This becomes an issue in the case
of Nevada Landing's sinks, which are in cubbies that are barely
the width of the sink: 22 inches. Now, I'm of slender build,
and if MY elbows are banging on the walls, I cannot imagine
how some of their more portly patrons can possibly squeeze in
far enough to reach the faucet. (Of course, that could explain
some of those casino smells.) There are no tubs, even though
the showers are large enough for them. Instead, there are all
sorts of ledges and monkey-bars (I thought maybe I had a handicapped-room,
but they're all like that). So you can't take a bath, but you
can sit on some of the ledges an re-enact scenes from "Titanic".
Instead of bars of soap and bottles of shampoo, you are confronted
with dispensers of something called "body and hair shampoo".
(Feel free to insert your own "Planet of the Apes" joke here).
Fortunately, I had some leftover LV Hilton shampoo, but I was
unsure if, when washing, I should leave the "body shampoo" on
for a minute so its conditioner could kick in and leave my skin
thicker, lustrous, silky, and full-bodied.
In addition to some larger rooms, the Gold Strike also has a
small, decent pool. Also, I recommend getting the top floor
if you can. Not only will you improve your view of the desert
mountains, but you will also minimize your risk of being repeatedly
roused by hyperactive children (playing the ever-popular game
of "let's jump off the furniture") imprisoned in the room above.
The walls are noticeably bare, possibly due to the effects of
neglected children playing the aforementioned game.
The popularity of the jumping game is readily explained: there
is nothing for kids to do here. There "amenities" are limited
to a couple of game rooms, which were ranked by a 15-year-old
reader of mine as the worst in all the land: small, sticky,
with a small selection of malfunctioning machines and way too
many tokenless children, who will pass the time by intently
watching the play of anyone WITH a quarter to spend.
This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the location: you're
not next to, or even close to, ANYTHING, unless you count the
state correctional facility. On the other hand, it's not as
far as it seems: despite one sign on I-15 proclaiming "Las Vegas
- 35 miles", it is, in fact only 22 miles to the intersection
of I-15 and Tropicana. It only takes 20 minutes. For comparison,
consider: it takes at least that long to drive to the strip
from the Reserve, and nearly as long from Sam's Town, even if
traffic is light. And I would MUCH rather drive through desert
mountains than Vegas city traffic. Also, you're only 10 minutes
northeast of Primm, which as some decent attractions of its
own.
The casinos both nice enough, with semi-coherent themes, decent
lounge bands (an Elvis impersonator, when I was at the Nevada
Landing. Riddle: why do all Elvis impersonators impersonate
the "older" Elvis? Answer: because dieting is hell), and easy-to-navigate
layouts, as well as friendly service. Where they falter is really
no fault of its own - it's in their clientele. If the casinos
are sometimes smoky, loud, and smelly, it's because the patrons
in it are often smoking, and are loud and smelly. We're talking
salt-of-the-earth, here. Not just the people on the downtown
bus, but the drunk ones talking to themselves in the back -
who have just sat in a puddle of vomit - their own. Also, gangstas,
gansta wannabes, and lil' gangsta children. Mixed in with this
lot are busloads of Japanese tourists who obviously should have
spent a few extra bucks, or have tried a different travel agent.
CAESARS---(last stayed 12/97)
from $89/night
Well, all I can say about their rooms, is: make a frowny
face if the registration clerk tries to send you to the "Roman"
tower. Those rooms are apparently not up to par with the rest
of the hotel. Our view consisted of a cinder block wall approximately
10 inches from our window...no light penetrated this barrier
- we could not tell if it was day or night. The room itself
was extravagant but disfunctional: a circular bed on elevated
pedestal that you tripped over, a small TV too far away to view,
a luxurious jacuzzi right in the middle of the room (good thing
the kids had their own room), a marble yet mobile-home style
bathroom, no place to hang your luxurious towels, and minimal
closet space. I think I would have complained if we were actually
paying for the flat. On the other hand, I have heard
nothing but raves about the rest of the rooms.
The buffet is great (pre-peeled shrimp=true decadence) but pricey,
the forum shops are great but pricey, and the restaurants are
great but (guess what?) pricey. The casino, sports book, and
forum are among our favorite Vegas haunts. The new pool looks
great. The location is terrific (you're right next to Caesars!).
MIRAGE---(last stayed 7/99)
from $89/night
Nice, elegant rooms and possibly the best pool, fabulous
casino, and a great location. But nothing worth paying that
kind of money for.
Update (7/99): Pool is the best, although crowded - the lawn
chairs were packed in with bodies like bacon in the pan. Casino
service has serious attitude problems - sort of a "Who let all
this trailer-trash into our fine casino?" sort of deal. They're
probably just crabby they didn't get to work at the Bellagio.
STARDUST---(last stayed 12/97)
from $29/night
The motor lodge: well, it was free. It's basically an old,
old motel - the only way to you know it's the '90's is the persistent
sounds of car alarms outside your room. On the other hand, parking
is certainly convenient.
The buffet: well, it was free. This buffet features the only
boiled shrimp I have ever eaten that was tough and dry (how
did they do that?). The prime rib could not readily be cut or
chewed. It's set in a turn-of-the century warehouse full of
turn-of-the-century canned goods...which are either props or
tomorrow's fare.
The help: well, I think many of them may have done time, but
now they are free. Not all of them were openly hostile, just
5 out of the 8 that I talked to (the buffet personnel treated
me with kindness and/or pity). They probably don't really
hate me, they just made me feel that way. Maybe they misunderstood
the boss and thought he said "service with a scowl".
Compliments: ummm, I hear the tower rooms are nice! Oh...and
one of the showgirls paraded around the casino in (or out of?)
costume...I liked that.
MGM GRAND---(last stayed 6/97)
from $69/night
Poor MGM. This big galoot of lodging is at the bottom of
two of my lists (see "Dishonorable Mentions" in my TOP
40). What wrong with the MGM, you ask? Well, here's a hint:
before the MGM was built, every new hotel on the Strip sought
to be bigger that the one before it; since the MGM opened as
THE BIGGEST HOTEL IN THE WORLD (over 5000 rooms, for Pete's
sake), all the hotels are being built smaller (around 3000 rooms).
That's because the other builders got a look at what 5000+ rooms
look like, and rightfully concluded that THAT'S TOO DAMN BIG.
Don't get me wrong: the rooms, restaurants, shops, and buffet
are very good...there's just too many of them. It take at least
10 minutes (the time it takes to walk from one end of downtown
to the other) to walk from the strip entrance to the amusement
park entrance (which you wouldn't want to do - this is the lamest
excuse for an amusement park ever conceived). From your room
to the car? 15 minutes. Getting out of the hotel when you're
disoriented: some people are still there (that's why
they need so many rooms).
The size would be manageable with proper design. If you're going
to build THE BIGGEST HOTEL IN THE WORLD, you should make it
THE TALLEST HOTEL IN THE WORLD. Get vertical, stack several
floors for the casino and restaurants. But nooo, the MGM sits
squat and low, spreading out like a poorly planned suburb. Worse,
things are laid out so that you can't get anywhere without walking
the length of it: if you want to get from the shuttle bus stop
up to the monorail (which is directly overhead), you have to
walk into the hotel, past the gamut o' shops, through the airport-terminal-of-a-lobby,
and back out through the other gamut o' shops to get
there.
Compliments: The pool is really, really big. It might just be
the biggest pool in the world. Check the weather reports for
small-craft advisories before entering - did I mention how large
it is?
