Las Vegas, almost in spite of itself, has become an outstanding family vacation destination. The resorts offer unparalleled values for food, entertainment, and luxurious accommodations. The self-proclaimed "Sin City" has more churches per capita than any major city in the country. The so-called "adult Disneyland" , if you take away the gaming, has come to look pretty much look like the kid's Disneyland. In many ways, staying on the south or middle strip is like staying at a Disneyworld resort, except that the lines are shorter, the food is better, the hotel room is a fraction of the price, and there is no admission fee. This page seeks to rank the hotels according to which gives you your best "family value", as well as the best attraction values for kids.

LAST UPDATED 1/8/00

LECTURE TIME
Las Vegas is NOT a place for young children. What, are you crazy, bringing a toddler to Vegas? Sorry, dumb question, if you're raising a toddler you're probably half out of your mind by now anyway. In case the experience has driven you completely bonkers and you can not remember what age your child is, take this simple test:

Are the two words you hear the most often "NO!" and "MINE!"? If the answer is yes, you have a two-year old.

Are the two words you speak the most often "NO!" and "MINE!"? If the answer is yes, your child is between the ages of three and thirty-five.

Now that you have established the child's approximate age, I will repeat the ugly facts: you do not want to bring a child beneath the age of eight to Las Vegas. (As an experienced parent, I do not recommend bringing a child of less than six ANYWHERE - even Disneyworld. Wait until they can enjoy it, so you can enjoy it.) You'll get your life back - but it will take a few years. Meanwhile, suck up to Mom and Dad so that maybe they'll baby-sit for you.

The best ages for kids in Las Vegas are from 12-15. They're old enough to forge out on their own for a bit, and the monorail and people-movers of the south and middle strips give them enough freedom of movement to get a touch of cherished independence. (NOTE: I forbid my children to take any buses by themselves: some free shuttles go to Laughlin and Stateline!) Older kids already have that in the form of a driver's license and will mostly be grumpy about being unable to gamble, drink, or hang around the casinos. In the case of seventeen year-olds, this state of mind will last for several months (if not years) after the end of your vacation.

Be advised that advertisments like "Topless Girls of Glitter Gulch", as well a photographs of scantily clad young women who appear to be having trouble catching their breath predominate in Las Vegas. It's nothing new to kids allowed to watch HBO, but some parents may want to think twice.


GRUMPY OLD MEN
One myth that persists is that there is nothing for children in Las Vegas. People asking for advice about kids and Vegas are ridiculed and lied to by the same sorts who yell at kids for coming into their yard to retrieve a ball. They insist that there is nothing in Vegas for kids or families to do and question the parenting skills of anyone who would ask such a question. (In my experience, the only people who retain strong opinions on proper parenting are those who are childless... the rest of us have been too humbled by the experience to judge anyone else.) I think this attitude is simply an expression of their intolerant natures, for there is clearly an abundance of things for kids. Come to think of it, nearly everything in Las Vegas could be viewed as children's entertainment. Perhaps the Grumpy Old Men are upset about the notion that their "inner child" is so immature. Well, it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Here are my picks for the best things for kids in Las Vegas:

1. BATTLE OF THE SHIPS (at Treasure Island)
Optimum age: 11
Free
Pirates due battle with the British Navy every 90 minutes (weather permitting) starting at 4pm in the lagoon facing the strip. Fantastic pyrotechnics, stunts, effects. Only minus is the crowds that form make it hard to get a good view and hard to exit once the show's over. Advice: view from across the street, or better still, your hotel room.

2. FREMONT STREET EXPERIENCE (downtown)
Optimum age: 12
Free
Kids like enormous, loud, animated things with lots of blinking lights...which pretty much describes Las Vegas. The epitome of this concept takes shape as the FSE: 2.1 million lights on a 90-foot high steel-mesh canopy that acts as sort of a 50,000 square-foot TV screen. I don't know if it's how I would spend $70,000,000, but the kids sure get a kick out of it. Every night, on the hour. The eagle/fighter-plane ("Odyssey") show is the best.

3. FOUNTAINS AT BELLAGIO
Optimum age: 9
Free
Keep in mind that kids are not allowed IN the hotel, but the show in the lake out front is awesome. Every 15 to 30 minutes, starting at dusk.

4. ADVENTUREDOME THEME PARK (behind Circus-Circus)
Optimum age: 10
Great roller-coaster that's fun for all ages, good water-plume ride and lots of state-fair type rides for younger kids, plus laser-tag, all in an air-conditioned dome. Buy everybody all-day passes and have a blast. Younger kids will also enjoy the circus acts next door at Circus-Circus.

5. MANHATTAN EXPRESS (at NYNY)
Optimum age: 15
$10 plus several years off your life
The wildest roller-coaster I have ever been on...or will ever be on again. For more info on Las Vegas rides visit Sin City Cyclones at www.vegaslounge.com/coasters

6. BIG SHOT (On top of the Stratosphere)
Optimum age: 17
$5 plus medical
Every time we visit the observation tower, my son and I go with intention of riding that thing. It looks tame enough from several miles away. Then, we step out on the elevator, listen to the hideous screams of the damned, and suddenly notice how great the views are...from down here... on the platform. Last time, we finally went. I highly recommend it, as it is an experience unlike any other. On, the other hand, I screamed thru about half of it. The girl next to me did not stop screaming until she was released from her seat after the ride was over.

7. CAESARS FORUM SHOPS
Optimum age: 13
Free (or very expensive, depending on your self-control)
Mall-rat heaven, plus two sets of animated-statue shows (the "Atlantis" one is better). Kids of all ages will love the 3-story FAO Schwartz toy store. Great video arcade as well.

8. WET-AND-WILD (north strip, next to the Sahara)
Optimum age: 11
About $20/day
Above-average water park, great way to beat the summer sun. For more info, see their website at www.wetnwild.com/las-vegas

9. MASQUERADE VILLAGE (at the Rio)
Optimum age: 10
Free
shows descend from the ceiling, emerge from the walls, and rise from the floor every two hours. Best viewed from the 2nd floor.

10. MOTION SIMULATOR RIDES
Star Trek (at the Hilton) is the best, followed by Caesars Atlantis', the Funhouse Express in Circus-Circus's Adventuredome, Luxor's, and Excalibur's. The only really lame ones are the Cinema rides at the Forum. Venetian has one, but I don't know if it's any good or not.

11. KING ARTHUR'S COURT (at Excalibur)
Optimum age: 11
About $35
Dinner show where you watch jousting knights and are encouraged to shout and cheer, and eat with your hands. Big fun. Be warned: fussy eaters suffer from a limited menu.

12. MYSTERE (Cirque du Soleil at Treasure Island)
If you can afford it, the best family show on the planet. About $70.

13. MAGIC SHOWS
Kids love magic shows...and Las Vegas must have more than the rest of the planet combined. Your best values are probably "Spellbound", "Steve Wyrick", or "Lance Burton".

14. SUNSET STAMPEDE (at Sam's Town, in the atrium)
Optimum age: 11
Free
Before I saw this show, I was convinced that there was no such thing as a "great laser-and-fountain show". Somehow, Sunset Stampede works - maybe because most of the audience views the spectacle from about 6 feet away (how we don't get wet, I don't know), or that the presentation manages to avoid being hokey or cliché. Keep your eye on the robotic wolf. Every day, at 2pm, 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm. Try to catch it at night - it's sorta lame during the day. The Christmas lights they put up during the holidays are the best I have ever seen, anywhere.

15. SPEEDWORLD (at the Sahara)
Optimum age: 15
About $8
Full-fledged Indy race-car simulator. Maybe TOO realistic... crashing is common.

16. 3-D THEATRE at the LUXOR (or something like that)
Optimum age: 12
About $8
The Dinosaur movie seems like a good idea, but is actually pretty lame.

17. MGM GRAND ADVENTURES
Optimum age: 9
Open Memorial Day through Labor Day Recent reports indicate some improvements in what was once basically a K-mart parking lot carnival. There are good shows and rides that younger kids will like. Be careful of the summer sun. One of the more amusing activities is watching and listening to the riders of the "Sky Screamer" attraction for the mentally impaired.

18. MIRAGE
Optimum age: 9
The volcano, the white tigers, and the dolphin habitat are all kid-pleasers.

19. A DAY AT THE BEACH
Optimum age: 8
Lake Mead has several public, sandy beaches within 30-60 minutes of the strip. The water is cool, clean, and calm, the icky-sticky things are at a minimum, and there are no crabs or bugs, so kids may well prefer this to the ocean. Our grandkids sure like it.

20. SKI MT. CHARLESTON
Optimum age: 15
Lift tickets for the day are about $25.
That's right: ski in the desert, thanks to Mt. Charleston's 12,000 peak. The ski area is about 45 minutes from the northwest edge of town. Snow-makers keep at least one of the runs open all winter, regardless of (the lack of) snowfall. The ski area is at about 10,000 ft elevation, so flatlanders should take it easy and be wary of "altitude sickness".

21. EIFFEL TOWER
Although, in general, the Paris is a fun hotel to gawk at, this ride gets a thumbs down from Jayhawk (9/26/99): Took the trip to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Bought ticket at noon. Ticket was good to go up at 1:30. At 1:50 got to go up escalator and stand in another line. At 2:15 took the elevator to the top. This is totally unlike going to the top of the Statosphere. There is a walkway no more than six feet wide all the way around. Plus you are looking through a fence to see out and it hinders the view. If you do this one, make sure you use the restroom before you even get in line. There's nothing up there but steel and concrete. Only 94 people can be up there at a time and that's way too many with the limited space. If five come down, they let five more go up. If all 94 stay for an hour, you'll wait in line for an hour. Not worth the $8.00 in my opinion as the fence spoils the view.

22. DIVE! (just north of Treasure Island)
Optimum age: 10
Food value is so-so, but submarine-themed restaurant amuses the younger ones.

23. HOOVER DAM
Optimum age: 10
It's really, really big (sort of like the MGM Grand, only better designed). 10-year olds delight in being allowed to use the word "dam(n)" in an endless variety of sentences.

24. RED ROCK CANYON
Optimum age: 10
Pretty neat stuff if you're from back east. Take the kids there first, or it will pale in comparison to the man-made wonders.

25. SHOWCASE (north of the MGM)
Optimum age: 12
Coca-Cola museum (?) and great video arcade.